You think you're the only one

but you're not. Everyone feels just as shitty when things are hard, as you do.

Lesson learned.

Ugh.

Sometimes... actually a lot of times, I sit in class listening to what people say and I get really jealous when one of my classmates asks a really good question. There are a lot of times when I think a question asked is not relevant, but there are definitely moments where I kick myself for not coming up with the particular type of question that stems from a shrewd analysis.

Not my week of confidence, if you couldn't tell.

What law school has been.

Law school is not easy. But it's also not impossible.

So far, I've really enjoyed what I've learned, and wish I can stay here and learn forever. It hasn't been easy, but what it has been is an exercise of expanding my mental capacity. When I say expanding my mental capacity, I don't mean that in a broaden-my-horizon way. I mean testing how much information I could fit in my brain and applying that information to a new set of information I am reading at the moment.

So far, I haven't had an opportunity to be creative about legal analysis, and have been going by the books. I kind of like that, at the moment. I like being told what to do and doing it properly. I don't expect to enjoy this kind of didactic learning forever, but I appreciate it right now as I buckle down on the basics.

My favorite colors of the year

When the city looks like this, it makes me really happy to be in an area with seasons.

Blah.

Blah.

I know this doesn't count as a legitimate blog post, but it'll have to do for today.

I wish I was smarter.

I know I'm not an idiot, but I wish I was smarter.

Sometimes, I get really frustrated about how persistently mediocre I am. My abilities are SO B-grade, that it's maddening. There are also days when I feel straight up incompetent, beyond anything resembling intelligence.

Today was one of those days.

I have never really been The Best at anything, so I'm pretty used to being around people who are better than me at something. Even if I'm used to it, though, once in a while it irritates me to no end that I am really not the best at ANYTHING. Not even the best. I'm not even good at what I really want to excel.

You hear these little motivational advices when you're younger. "Everyone is good at something." "You're special in your own way." These Marlo-Thomas-Free-To-Be-You type of teachings. I didn't necessarily grow up with those types of teachings all the time, but I thought I'd find something that I could really own as a skill set I could brag about. Instead, I'm finding myself feeling totally and utterly average.

Ugh. I need to snap out of this.

"You look like you're 18."

I get this statement said to me by non-Asian people. I KNOW I don't look 18. I know I look young, but that's cause I am. I have enough older friends in my life to know that I am no where near a point in my life to be complaining about my age.

Older white guys sometime hit on me and say I don't look a day over 18. This TOTALLY creeps me out. What the hell are you doing hitting on a girl who looks 18????

But then again, I look at the shit I wear. Today, it's a pleather jacket, heart skirt, and cowboy boots. I won't say that I deserve this kind of attention, but I can't help but dress young at heart. And by young, I don't mean slutty. I just mean immaturely.

Tab-u-lously starting NaBloPoMo

I have a test tomorrow regarding that book above, and we're allowed to bring the book with us. Tab-u-lous! (In my head, I'm saying it like the Orbitz gum girl.)

In law school, there are very few opportunities to test your abilities and find out the result of your efforts, before the final exam. This test is one of 4 such opportunities. I am not a big fan of this model, but it also makes me take every single thing I do very seriously.

In Japan, admission to undergrad depends on one single test. I always thought that I was so lucky to have been raised here and gone through this country's school system to not have to deal with rigorous test preparation. Who would have thought that I would voluntarily put myself into a similar academic model.

OHWELLZZZ.

BTW, don't you love that color of blue? It's one of my favorite colors.

make up

It's amazing how different make-up changes a look. I wish I looked like a hot tranny everyday, but I'm just stuck with this.

Proudest

This weekend was my little sister's wedding, and I couldn't be prouder. The best part of the whole thing were all of the kind words people had to say about my family.

We were a bit tired, especially because I was wearing false eyelashes. It felt like I was giving everyone bedroom-eyes throughout the entire night. It also made me feel a bit like a tranny. But trannies are gorgeous, so I can only be so lucky.

Short Break!

Be back in a bit!

Privilege

I went to an arraignment today for my Criminal Law class. An arraignment is a formal reading of criminal complaint in the presence of the defendant. This is where defendants enter a plea bargain.

I left with sadness, because all of the defendants except for one person were black young men. I was sitting there with the rest of my classmates and it was clear how privileged we were.

That's all for tonight.

Today's cause of joy is brought to you by...

Aetna!

I'm officially insured (retroactively to 08/01/2011)!!

My health insurance card arrived today. I haven't been insured since May, so this is a relief!

Signs of single-lazy

Signs of single-person-complecancy:

I eat out of a pot and eat a whole carrot stick without chopping it up.

Shorts, no longer

I wore a long-sleeved shirt and capri running leggings today for the first time since summer. It was 54 degrees outside before I left for my run, and it felt crisp.

I LOVE fall running days.

This picture makes it look like I stretch before I run, but I consciously do not stretch before a run. I've been told multiple times that it is bad to stretch cold muscles, so I usually start out with dynamic movements (like swinging arms and legs back and forth) if I'm good. Most of the time, I'm not good, so I step out and just run. Oh WELLZ.

I'm also listening to WNYC right now, and there is a song they are playing now with the lyrics "There's a Starbucks where the Starbucks used to be." I thought I heard it wrong, but it is an actual song.

Humbled

I got a copy of the Pacific Citizen today, and I was in it.

Nice way to end the night!

It's mirror-imaged, because that's how the Apple Photobooth rolls.

Pooped

It's Friday night and I just finished everything I wanted to do today.

I went on an AM run, read a little, and did a 4 hr training for a program called Court Advocate Program. It's a pro-bono program where law school students help domestic violence victims file an order of protection, i.e. retraining orders. It was really interesting. And then I read some more.

I'm so cool to be doing this on a Friday night... New York City is apparently the city with the highest percentage (number?) of single un-married women. I'm definitely contributing to that statistics...

On the flip side, I'm working really hard this weekend because, unlike me, my sister is getting married next weekend! I can't tell you how excited I am for her. And despite what I just said above, pure happiness is the only thing I feel about her wedding. I'm looking forward to spending a great day with everyone I love. It's what gets me through the night when I'm tired as I am right now.

Listening to mother

One of the things my mom says periodically is that money-saving starts by cutting out daily cafe-bought coffee.

I used to be awesome with this, but ever since law school started, I've been purchasing coffee everyday at the school cafeteria. I already carry enough shit around, and don't think far enough to shove my tumbler into my book bag. The other thing about buying coffee is that I get to enjoy a fresh cup of coffee more often, which is key. Especially for a black coffee drinker. (Milk kills the acidic taste that old coffee has.) I don't care about my coffee being fancy and expensive, but I do care that it's fresh.

Anyhoo, I'm trying to be better. I bought my tumbler that I bought in Japan today, and enjoyed my free cup of coffee from home. Imma try to keep that up, but no promises.

I need new jeans...

Right?

Fashion cliché

I don't usually feel like a fashion trend cliché because I don't usually strictly adhere to trendy clothes. For example, I have yet to purchase skinny jeans. Skinny jeans make me look like a hipster guy wearing skinny jeans.

Anyway, this navy striped shirt makes me feel like a cliché because everyone else on the street is wearing a horizontal stripped shirt.

Oh wells.

P.S. There are fireworks going off along the East River, and it is scaring the LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME. I haven't been able to handle the sound of fireworks since I was a kid. It sounds like a war zone. MAKE IT STOP.

Panda Lisa

Today's picture is in honor of Peter's call for Panda Photos.

Panda!

Energy!

There is not a lack of bakeries in New York City, and I've managed to find a favorite bakery in each neighborhood that I've lived in (which is just... 2... ).

My current favorite bakery is Damascus Bakery in Cobble Hill, because they bake the most amazing pillow-y pita bread I have ever tasted. PLUS! They're A DOLLAR A BAG. A DOLLA.

I go by the bakery on the weekend after my long run. Today, the man behind the counter smiled when he saw what a sweaty mess I was. He said, "This will give you plenty of energy!" and handed me a warm bag of pita and my change.

I mean... I don't even stand a chance.

Thank Black

There are many things that I'm thankful about my upbringing, but one of the biggest thing that I am grateful about is the lack of dependence my parents had on sugary drinks to raise us kids. We didn't grow up on juice or soda, but mainly drank barley tea or water.

Or coffee.

I don't know if I'm entirely thankful of my inherited dependence on coffee, but I am very thankful that (in the least) it is a dependence of black coffee. Especially now, when it's even more crucial to be attentive, I am glad that I can guzzle away my coffee without serious weight gain consequences. Other side effects, I can't really tell yet.

Cheers to black coffee!

I'm red because I tried.

I went out beer-drinking bowling today with a student group. I tried. I had fun. But then, they wanted to go out allllllll the way into the night. I was the oldest one there, and I just couldn't.

But hey! At least I tried! And now I'm red, because I had beer.

It was really bad lighting so I had to take down my lamp to show you that I'm red. Despite my efforts, I don't think you can tell...

Hunting down the free-dom

There's a farmer's market on my way to my school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. One particular stand sometimes hands out whole peaches as a sample, and I pass by every Tuesday and Thursday to make sure to snatch it up. It's not often when free produce is handed out, and I am pretty sick of free pizza at this point. (Although, I am NEVER tired of free coffee.)

As a student, it's always a hunt for these free things that are of nutritional value. I will continue my hunt for these little treats.

(P.S. For the farmer offering these samples... I promise to be a loyal paying customer once I get a job after I graduate from law school and I end up staying in the neighborhood.)

PUSH ME

I had the best run I've had in a LONG TIME this morning.

Running outside means you're part of the public. Sometimes, you come across other runners. When you're in a city like New York, where EVERYONE is a runner, it even gets a little competitive amongst strangers. You find yourself trying to keep up with other strangers, and you end up running faster than you intended. I am severely apprehensive about actively running with other people, so these moments are the only times I actually feel like I'm running with someone.

The above happened to me this morning but, infinitely better. This women was right next to me the entire time I ran across the Brooklyn Bridge back to Brooklyn. We were neck and neck. One passed the other for a second, and the other caught up right away. At a certain point, our eyes met, and we silently acknowledged each other, and it became almost like a race. We were BLITZING. HARD. At the end of the race, we ran so hard and well that we high five-ed each other. It was the greatest example of running camaraderie. She screamed "GREAT JOB!!" and I sincerely thanked her for the competition. I don't know what her name is, nor where she's from. But she pushed me to my limit this morning, and I couldn't thank her enough for letting me start out my day accomplishing something I normally don't get to do.

I know this is more reason to find a running team... I hope I get to that some day.

The picture is me in complete elation, right before I took a shower for my 9AM class.

Elation can sometimes look like crazy. Just sayin.

YESH

Do you ever have evenings where you're so on a roll, that you sit and work without caring what time it was?

I just had one of those evenings. AND. IT. FEELS. GOOD.

YESH!

P.S. I realize that I have worn what I am wearing today on this blog multiple times in the last couple of days. Whatever, my classmates haven't seen this scarf before, so I wore it again.

One step away from Lunchables

I've been eating string cheese lately as a snack. They're portable and salty, and durable enough that I don't have to worry about squishing them, like bananas.

Eating string cheese makes me feel like a grade school student. However, I suppose it's a step better than resorting to Lunchables. I shall not go that low.

Bite my lip

I'm working on my first memo, which is about a case where a dog bites a child.

We have to read several relevant cases and make our argument using past applications of the law. I have to mentally bite my lip when I feel like saying something aloud. These cases are so likely to happen, that it makes me hesitant to ever be around children.

Dogs, on the other hand, give me a sense of relief vs. a sense of panic. I miss my dog.

It was mighty AC-ed and cold in the cafeteria where I was studying.

Lifesaver

Did I ever tell you about how I used to think the lightsabers from Star Wars were called lifesavers? It made sense to me at the time; you use them to save lives. However, you can also argue that they were used to kill lives as well. Woops.

Anyhoo, my current lifesaver is my locker at school. Law school books are a couple of pounds each, and when you have 4 classes, it can get unmanageable without a place to store them.

This is where our lockers are stored. There's a mirror in the locker room, and it definitely needs to be cleaned.

*click*

Last night, the weather suddenly clicked into fall. Today was full-on fall weather, and there were no shadows of summer left. In fact, the weather won't be above 69 degrees until next Tuesday.

I busted out my warmer clothing, including a fall-appropriate mustard yellow dress.

I love this time of year until January.... <3

Another cool thing about being a student...

...is access to Amazon Student!

With free 2-day shipping, there is just no reason for me to do substantial shopping outside of the online market. No wonder physical retail stores are collapsing.

It's like a present I give myself. I came home to a package today, and it perked up my night.

In other news, it is currently 57 degrees outside, and tomorrow's expected high is 67 degrees. Good bye, summer, HELLO AUTUMN I LOVE YOU YOU'RE MY FAVORIIITTEE!

one of those days again

I've been running around the whole day. Class from 9-1pm, meeting from 1-1:30pm, lunch, read 3 chapters, and another meeting in Midtown from 6pm to 8pm.

The above picture is what I felt like around 4pm, after 2.5 cups of coffee, a Snickers bar, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Seriously, since I've been a student, my eating has gone downhill. ESPECIALLY since my school offers free pizza almost every day. I'm kind of sick of pizza. I miss the days at LTSC when they used to give us free banh mi sandwiches.

JEANS

One of my favorite things about being back in school is the ability to wear jeans EVERY. DAY.

Today was a jeans and black T kind of day. I lurve that kind of day.

I'm studying to get into a profession that's all about suits, (both law and apparel - har har!) so I'm getting as many days in jeans as possible.

can't get the energy...

... to even pose for an actual picture.

I'm exhausted and it's only 9:30PM. Whatevs...

What today has been like

I did what I usually do today. I did a semi-long run across the Brooklyn Bridge into Manhattan, while listening to Weekend Edition on WNYC. Today, they did a little bit of Weekend Edition, and then switched over to live coverage of the 911 Memorial, including 6 moments of silences tolled by bells.

I was just at the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge when the first one went off at 8:46AM with lower Manhattan in perfect view. I stopped, went to the side, and participated in the moment with those near the World Trade Center. Just like 10 years ago, it was a blue clear bright day, even though the weather forecast expected some rain showers.

I proceeded with the rest of the day with constant reminders of what had happened 10 years ago, and also with the reminder that fall was around the corner.

I threw on a fall-colored scarf to welcome the fall, and to respect what this time of year means to a lot of people in this city.

I need to clean my room.

So I'm going to get to it right after this post.

September 10th, 2011

Tomorrow, everyone will be remembering what had happened 10 years ago. I can't tell you how quickly those 10 years had gone by.

I want to focus on what had happened before 9/11/2001 today. I had just graduated high school, and just turned 18. I was in my 2nd week of college in my dorm.

In high school, I didn't care about politics and world events at all. I didn't listen to public radio, I didn't watch news television, and I didn't read news papers. I knew who my president was, but I couldn't have told you who my senators were, or who my congress member was. I was consumed with marching band, acne, boys, MTV, and starting college.

I entered college and realized how small my world had been thus far. I was mourning a little about the passing of Aaliyah, and was struck by how little people care about that kind of music. My school was a very liberal school, and people mainly listened to Phish, the Grateful Dead, or some kind of indie bands with ü's and ø's in their names. Anything mainstream was looked down upon, so I kept silent about my sadness about Aaliyah. On top of that, people had very strong opinions about politics, and I didn't have one. There were discussions erupting in the dorm hallways about things like Sudan or freeing Tibet, or why capitalism sucked (and I probably didn't even know what capitalism really meant). People had bumper stickers on their dorm room doors with bold messages like, "TAKE YOUR RELIGION OFF MY OVARIES" or "LEGALIZE IT". People identified themselves as a feminists, Democrats, atheists, etc etc. I just didn't really have a clear opinion or an idea about any of those things.

I was starting to be aware what having an opinion might mean, and how important it was to start paying attention to what was happening, both domestically and internationally.

Then, those planes crashed into those towers. From then on, it suddenly became imperative that I find out what the hell was going on in the world. And now I am obsessed with current events and politics.

That's what it was like for me up to 09/11/2001, and I reflect on it today.

sneaky

in the student lounge...

Taken earlier today, when I was typing up my handwritten note after my AM classes.

I'm listening!

I am currently listening to President Obama's speech via one of my favorite form of media: radio.

I won't discuss it here today, but know that I'm always trying to be aware of what is going on, even if I'm consumed with studying.

A full-time job

Do my eyes look dead? Because they feel dead. As does my brain.

I spent about 10 and a half hours today on campus without a moment of wasted time. It was back to back classes, a meeting with a professor, and pages of briefing cases. Some where in there, I inhaled a salad. I was deliriously hungry at that time, and ordered tofu AND cubes of feta in my salad. Each time I took a bite of my salad and thought it was feta and got tofu instead, I died a little inside. I love tofu, but unseasoned tofu in place of feta just doesn't spell win.

Law school really is a full-time job, but unlike some jobs that I've had, some days don't allow time for fucking around on Facebook. Today was just that day.

I am kind of enjoying it though!

I don't like rain.

It's raining a lot today.

I have a theory. Those who "looooooove rain! <3 :D :D :D" have never been in a living situation where you have to deal with rain. And by to deal with, I mean not get to hide in your car, and have to walk in it regardless of how much it rains and pours. The way I feel about rain is the way most of you feel about ants: I only approve of it for its ecological purpose. Otherwise, I don't like it. I've never liked rain, even when living in LA. It also makes me laugh when people living in LA buy rain boots. You guys have a gigantic rain boot called a car.

I think I don't like rain because I don't like getting partially wet. I also don't like water rides at amusement parks, because you're partially wet for the rest of the day. Rain makes me not want to do things, and I really don't like being unproductive.

I admit, I dislike rain in NY less than in LA for one reason. There's less chance of me causing harm (i.e. me driving in the rain) here in New York than in LA.

Still. I don't like rain.

Chalk Bathroom!

I spent 2.5 hrs reading about personal jurisdiction today at a cafe, where the bathroom looks like this.

Not too shabby. I also washed my hands before taking this photo, fyi.

what i'm doing right now

First off-site post.

I'm hot because I tried.

It is hot outside. By hot, I mean East Coast humid hot, because it's only 80 degrees but muggy. It's not the hottest it's been, though, so I really can't be complaining too much.

I'm hot because I tried to be social and went to a student organization picnic at a nearby park. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm a tad more on the anti-social side in New York. In Los Angeles, I'm surrounded by people I grew up with, so I don't have an excuse to be anti-social. In fact, even if I tried to be anti-social, people will barge into my room unannounced.

New York is a place to be alone in some sense, and not in a bad way. Most people leave you alone and let you be. However, that means you have to make an effort to meet people, which is not my strong suit. I tend to let things happen to me rather than make it happen.

BUT, I made an effort today, and I had a good time. I had a good time, but now I'm sweating balls because I was outside in this slightly muggy weather. Small price to pay for new connections. I'm trying to fan myself, if you couldn't tell.

Off to go read!

AAaahhhh.

You guyssss. I love living by myself!!

I don't know if I mentioned it here, but I am living by myself for the first time in my entire life. I'm living in a studio without a roommate, and I can't handle how much I am enjoying this. It's been almost a month since I moved in, and I don't know if I can ever go back to living with roommate. The only people I can conceivably handle living with is Peter, and I know he doesn't want to live with me.

Wanting to continue this living style is definitely a great motivator to do well in school so I can secure a job that allows me to keep living by myself.

I have Lucille Bluth moments of walking around my (small) space singing along, and eating crap laying down. Aahhhhh...

Student Fair!

Today was my law school's student organization fair. I'm kind of overwhelmed with the options. In undergrad, I was the kid who couldn't pick a major until the last moment possible, and I'm the same kid now. I'm not sure what I'm interested in. I'm interested in serving the public, but I'm also extremely interested in not being poor. I.e., I'm interested in going into public interest law, but equally interested in corporate law. (Just for the record, I'm genuinely interested in corporate law as a subject matter as well.)

We. Shall. See.

(By the way, did you notice all of my zits? I'm almost 30 and still getting pimples. I though this was supposed to be an adolescence thing. WTF.)

If it makes me old, so be it.

I'm of the generation where laptops were not a normal accessory in a classroom. In undergrad, I never took notes on my laptop. In fact, not many people had laptops.

Now I'm in law school with a bunch of kids younger than me, and I am of a minority when it comes to the methods of note-taking.

I've taken minutes in meetings before on laptops, so it's not as if I don't know how to type out notes. BUT, I know in my gut that I would streamline listen to my professors if I were to do that, instead of taking in what my professors were saying and physically writing it down. Therefore, even it if dates me, I choose to take notes with my hand, my pen (very picky about my pens), and my top-wired notebook (also very picky about my notebooks).

If that makes me old(er), at least I'll be wiser doing it my own way.

So did ya hear?

New York City was on hurricane warning this past weekend. It came and went, and apparently the aftermath is more deadly than the actual storm.

Anyway, it was my first natural disaster that I had to endure on my own. I searched the city far and wide for a flashlight and battery-powered/hand-cranked radio but I came up empty handed. In place, I had my semi-broken iPod Nano and candles with Jesus and Virgin Mary all over them.

My mom suggested that I get a flashlight and radio even after the storm past, for the next weather-related event. New York is kind of prone to weather extremes. My mom then offered to send it to me, since I'm lacking on free time right now with law school. I got the package today, and I am now officially ready for a storm. I just have to make sure not to eat my storm food and use my storm baby wipe stock.

10 years since Aaliyah's passing

If I had to choose 3 artists that defined my adolescence, Aaliyah would definitely be one of them. I loved everything she did. I loved her music, her dancing, and her movie. She was a softer part of R&B that was happening in the 90s, and my friends and I used to idolize her.

Right before I found out about her plane crash, my best friend and I were singing her song "One in a Million" along the Universal City Walk. We had just met a guy who was really cute, which was a rare event, once in a million opportunities. We were being so careless and free, acting a fool while singing and prancing along the City Walk. I came home that night, turned on the TV, and found out that my pop culture idol had died. It was devastating, and I watched Ananda Lewis on MTV report what had happened for the next several hours.

Aaliyah used to do this thing in her music videos, where she would part her hair sideways, hide on her eyes with her side bang, and cover the bang and her eyes with a pair of sunglasses. It looks ridic here, but it's just my homage to a women who was just about to launch into mega star-hood. She's still one of my favorite artists today, and her songs are still some of my favorites, and makes me nod my head to her beats.

law school starts!

Law school starts tomorrow! I'm discovering that I really don't hate reading, and I'm kind of ahead on my reading assignments. I can't say that I definitively don't hate reading, because I don't want to jinx it. The sippy cup is helping me hydrate/stay awake while I read about criminal law, but I'm encouraged that the sippy cup isn't necessary to keep me interested.

Me and my baby

Wind down.

Summer is winding down, at least for me. I have a little more than a week left in LA, and will be starting school soon. I'm extremely excited, but today I'm a bit pensive about it, because it's been a fantastic summer so far...

errbody slow down.

babies, engagements, weddings, job advancements, morgages, etc etc.

por favor, slow down. i'm dizzy.

Amy Winehouse

I'm about 3 months older than Amy Winehouse. I loved her voice and played Back to Black at least 100 times over the span of several months in 2007. I don't know anyone personally with a voice like hers, but I do know people whose demons and addictions are as painful as hers. Someone said that her death is proof that addictions have an expiration date, which probably is true. In the long-run, I'll try to think of and do things that might be helpful to those who suffer. In the meantime, I'm going to relive 2007 and listen to her album a lot this week.

Adult Sippy Cup

I went to a Red Egg and Ginger party today for two of my friends' baby. It's to celebrate 1 month after a baby's birth. So many of my friends are having babies. I, on the other hand, can barely take care of myself. I have to remind myself to do simple things like hydrate. It's gotten easier, though, since I got this Camelback water bottle . I can just sip through it all day, without even opening the thing and tipping the bottle back. My sister calls it my adult sippy cup. In fact, she's seen me lying on the floor, playing with my iPhone, and drinking from my bottle.

As my friends become parents, I regress to baby habits. At least I'm well hydrated.

I might be getting too old for this.

I look at myself. I have on my friendship bracelet, $2 plastic neon orange earrings, and chewing green apple gum. I'm 28, and wonder how long I can dress like this and act like this, and wonder if I can make any real money being like this.

Sigh.