Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Doug Lemon

I don't latch on to TV shows too often, but when I do, I am like a parasite to the show. 

When I was younger, I identified with Doug Funnie from "Doug", and now in my adulthood, I identify with Liz Lemon from "30 Rock".  

Both are writers.  Both are less confident than the average.  Both are not Don Juans or Carmens, but have wild imaginations.  (Quail Man for Doug, and the TGS show for Liz Lemon.) 

Now, I am not a writer.  I can only dream to be as eloquent enough to even be considered as someone with perfect grammar.  But I see myself with the rest of the features.  I see myself as a hidden introvert with an imagination that makes me think that I am bound for great things, yet often find that those thoughts remain as imaginations. 

I'm at what people would call a crossroad, except in my case, I can't see the roads.  I'm just at a spot that looks like a baseball diamond, with no route in sight.  

There's a quote from 30 Rocks that describes how I feel right now. "How Sex and the City are we right now?  I'm Samantha, you're Charlotte, and you're the lady sitting at home who watches it!"  

It's ironic that I describe my situation with a TV show quote that describes how people relate to these shows.  I don't want to be Sex and the the City,  but I am definitely the lady sitting at home who watches it, and I think a lot of people are.  I am just sick of being that lady. 

In normal people terms, I guess I mean that I'm sick of being the person on the sidelines.  It makes better sense when I think in terms of TV shows, though, don't you think? 

Anyhoo, that's it for now. 

Sunday, March 29, 2009

in happier news...

Look what I just did!

13.64 miles in 1:59:08.


Saturday, March 28, 2009

My Own Little "Unemployment"

So some of you may know that I applied to a gang load of law schools.  

I hate to admit this, but I also find some therapy in being open about it:  I'm getting rejected left and right.  I sent out many, and so far I've heard back from most schools with only 2 waitlists.  I don't have many left, and they're all schools I feel very half-hearted about.  I sent so many applications, that for the last 2 months, I've been getting a steady flow of rejection letter after rejection letter.  

I've never been a straight-A student, or an over-achiever, and expected some rejections, but never to this level.  Of course, I'm crushed.  I'm filled with doubt. 

I was thinking about it on a more general level, and started thinking about those people who are currently unemployed and are going to job interview after job interview, and feeling this pain, but on an entirely different level.  I started thinking about how they must be filled with doubt and fear also, trying to figure out how they were going to support their livelihood.  More specifically, I started thinking about how their self-esteem must be getting shot continuously too, kind of like mine has been.  

During this entire process, I haven't feeling good about it, but what's been most upsetting is that these rejections have made me doubt my quality as a person and the quality of the experiences I've had, which I used to be very proud about.  

But, I've started thinking (yes, again).  (I've been thinking a lot.)  I've been on the hiring end, interviewing candidates for jobs, and most of the time, choosing someone over another is determined by one little thing.  "This person has more experience dealing with families, than older adults."  "This person has worked in non-profit before and might understand our organization."  "This person has more years of working experience."  Offering the job to one person over another is often determined by these small differences that have nothing to do with the QUALITY of the candidates, but just the fit that we were looking for at the time.  The rejection letters all say "We often have to turn away qualified individuals....etc etc" and it all sounds like yada yada yada to me after the 10th letter, but I'm trying to absorb the actual truth of that statement.  

Although getting rejected by schools is not the same as being unemployed, I started feeling a little better about the situation when I consider how my application may have been looked at, and the decisions that were ultimately made in a way we've been deciding job offers in the past.  I hope those that are unemployed and going through the round-about of interviews understand that it's often factors completely out of their control that are determining their job placement.  And I hope they find jobs soon.  

...Unless you're a complete jerkwad, because we've interviewed those too.  ( I once sat in on an interview with this douche-bag of a man, who said that women can afford to stay at low-paying jobs like teaching and social work, because they have husbands that can provide for them at home.  I was pretty close to punching him in the face.)   Although, I hope those jerkwads find jobs too, because I don't want my tax money paying for jerkwads' public benefits.

Anyhoo, I shall truck along.  My future is a bit unsure right now, but I'm tired of thinking about it, and have decided to just say "WHATEVER" for the time being. 


Thursday, March 26, 2009

"how come you haven't been updating?"

Oh lovely commenter. This post is for you.

I don't know who you are (although I have an idea), but let me tell you why I haven't been updating. There are 2 reasons:

First, the easy one: I know that as a reader of any blogs, pictures make the entry a lot more enjoyable. I am not ashamed to admit that there are some blogs that I "read" but don't actually look at any of the text, and just gaze through the pictures. I have this kind of relationship with many food blogs. (Serious Eats being a major exception.)

I love taking pictures. I don't like uploading them. I HATE uploading them on iPhoto. Google, I know you track my every move, so tell your friend Apple that iPhoto is a WEAK program. It is weak, because you cannot select which photos to upload from your camera, and it always proceeds to upload the entire file. AND, it is a HELL OF A LOT of work to try to delete the photos, once you've stored them some where else, because iPhoto makes 3 different copies automatically. I'm sure there's some setting I'm not looking at to make this not happen, but I haven't gotten there.

So anyway, that's one reason. Because I don't like uploading photos that I want to put on this blog.

The second reason is more depressing: I've been busy, and a lot has been happening, but not too many good things, and I don't like to post negative things because I hate nagging blogs.

But I am back here. And you know why? It's because I am narcissistic in a way that we all are (which is proved by the popularity of Twitter and Facebook), and I like knowing that people care about what I think. One of the answers I gave for the "25 Random Things" list on Facebook was, that if I could have any job in the world, I would be a journalist or an expert. I would be those two things (separate or together) because I love being able to answer people's questions. I am kind of a know-it-all and kind of a jerk, as Ira Glass once said when he described people who claim to know things on a very superficial level. I know I am a jerk in that way, but I can't help but love it. And this space is the ultimate space where I can wave my jerk flag high.

So, lovely reader, thank you for caring about what I think, even if it makes me a little bit of an ass. I am trying to figure out a way to have a theme for this thing, so I could be more consistent.

I'll be back really soon. Maybe tomorrow!