I had this idea that I would blog everyday in December, because I couldn't believe it was already December, and I wanted to savor this holiday season as much as possible. It's December 2nd, and I've already missed one day.
Whatevs. Can't cry over spilled milk, and better fess up to the mess-up than not do anything at all.
SO! DECEMBER! WOWZAS!
I love the holiday season. I love the commercialism about it. I don't actively practice any religion, and Christmas isn't really a huge thing in my family, so I'm all about Xmas and it's shiny wasteful glory. I love the days that lead up to Xmas and New Year, and the anticipation up to it, and I want it to last as long as possible, because January 2nd is usually one of the most depressing days of the year. This is my sad attempt to do so.
Man, did this year pass quickly! I woke up on 1/1/2010, I blinked, and now it's December. WTF. This year for me was (again) one of lots of trials. I have to be honest. The last 3-4 years have not been the best. They weren't the worse, but they have been the years-of-trying-to-do-things-and-failing-miserably. I'm trying to do something again this year (applying to law school), and although I'm giving it all I have, I'm fully anticipating for an alternative outcome. (I'm not saying failure. It's too maddening.) I haven't been fully happy in the last 4 years, because I think I know what I want to do in life, but I can't get to where I need to be.
I'm not trying to sound depressed, because I'm also not wallowing in my sorrow. What a wasteful sack of shit of time. What I am trying to do is do everything in my power to try to achieve goals that I have for myself and GET. SOME . WHERE. I'm getting too old to fuck around, and I want to finally succeed in something that I put my heart into. I haven't been able to do that in a long ass time.
SO! This month is the last haul. It's the last month of the year, but it's also my last month of trying to get into law school (at least for this application cycle) and get my shit done. I wanted to start the month off with a bang and make sure I don't waste it.