Lately I feel like I've been fooled, and in some way, my recent days are a big joke.
All through school, we've been taught to follow the rules, to never defy the law, and always understand the concept of authority so we can be respectable individuals. Lately, I'm starting to believe that it was all designed for people to be placed in these asinine desk jobs, crossing the t's, dotting the i's, and following rules and order so we can make the world revolve around The Man. It's a new assembly line, only with computers and water coolers, complete with Starbucks coffee. We follow directions, step by step, opening accounts, closing deals, and end another exhausting day. It's the most irritating type of exhaustion because you're tired just from sitting the entire day. It's the same type of fatigue you feel when you've been riding the plane for 8 hours.
You see, until recently, I was duped. I was naive enough to believe that I was going to be one of the movers and shakers of the world. I was going to do something different. I was NOT going to have those jobs where you have to explain what you do to people, which always include the words "data processing", "accounts", and "clients". I was going to be constantly stimulated and actually HAPPY about my job.
Now I know it was all idealistic, as I stare at rich people's bank accounts, as my bosses work hard, day and night, to make the rich people even richer. Now, I want to be rich. Now, I want to be a shareholder with high interest, and have a mutual fund. It's fucking contagious, I tell you. (Although getting mutual funds and having a retirement plan is just plain smart.)
But there's still a bit of me that believes that I can maybe at least shimmy through the world and change The Man little by little, and contribute to it becoming The Woman. Or The Underrepresented Man. Whatever. I haven't lost my ideals completely. However, perhaps I should get rich (or "die tryin'") first, get chummy with The Man so I can kill him in the end, and bring his riches to the little people. Damn The Man, save the empire (of Socialism). (Just kidding.) Shimmy shimmy shimmy.
I'm just being a little bitch right now, because I'm understanding that work is sometimes just work, and that's it. It's only sometimes that I wish I was more of an outlaw and able to bust my way out of convention so that I can be the Rule Maker and not The Follower. I just can't shake my fear of disorder, which is ironic, because I feel like my present state (including my shit hole of a room) is anything but organized.
So that's that. I'm done with my bitching. I'll continue on doing the shimmy. Just wait til you're affected by it, because it's hypnotic.
I'm such an ass. It's only been a month since I started this temp, and it's not nearly as bad as some of the dumb jobs that I've had. Maybe this is part of The Reverse Culture Shock too. I'll just blame everything on that from now on.
I'm going to go talk to the cat now.
I wonder how he is. He's in Spain. Did I tell you guys that he fell out of the window? We lived on the 5th floor, and he plummeted to the bottom.