You think you're the only one

but you're not. Everyone feels just as shitty when things are hard, as you do.

Lesson learned.

Ugh.

Sometimes... actually a lot of times, I sit in class listening to what people say and I get really jealous when one of my classmates asks a really good question. There are a lot of times when I think a question asked is not relevant, but there are definitely moments where I kick myself for not coming up with the particular type of question that stems from a shrewd analysis.

Not my week of confidence, if you couldn't tell.

What law school has been.

Law school is not easy. But it's also not impossible.

So far, I've really enjoyed what I've learned, and wish I can stay here and learn forever. It hasn't been easy, but what it has been is an exercise of expanding my mental capacity. When I say expanding my mental capacity, I don't mean that in a broaden-my-horizon way. I mean testing how much information I could fit in my brain and applying that information to a new set of information I am reading at the moment.

So far, I haven't had an opportunity to be creative about legal analysis, and have been going by the books. I kind of like that, at the moment. I like being told what to do and doing it properly. I don't expect to enjoy this kind of didactic learning forever, but I appreciate it right now as I buckle down on the basics.

My favorite colors of the year

When the city looks like this, it makes me really happy to be in an area with seasons.

Blah.

Blah.

I know this doesn't count as a legitimate blog post, but it'll have to do for today.

I wish I was smarter.

I know I'm not an idiot, but I wish I was smarter.

Sometimes, I get really frustrated about how persistently mediocre I am. My abilities are SO B-grade, that it's maddening. There are also days when I feel straight up incompetent, beyond anything resembling intelligence.

Today was one of those days.

I have never really been The Best at anything, so I'm pretty used to being around people who are better than me at something. Even if I'm used to it, though, once in a while it irritates me to no end that I am really not the best at ANYTHING. Not even the best. I'm not even good at what I really want to excel.

You hear these little motivational advices when you're younger. "Everyone is good at something." "You're special in your own way." These Marlo-Thomas-Free-To-Be-You type of teachings. I didn't necessarily grow up with those types of teachings all the time, but I thought I'd find something that I could really own as a skill set I could brag about. Instead, I'm finding myself feeling totally and utterly average.

Ugh. I need to snap out of this.

"You look like you're 18."

I get this statement said to me by non-Asian people. I KNOW I don't look 18. I know I look young, but that's cause I am. I have enough older friends in my life to know that I am no where near a point in my life to be complaining about my age.

Older white guys sometime hit on me and say I don't look a day over 18. This TOTALLY creeps me out. What the hell are you doing hitting on a girl who looks 18????

But then again, I look at the shit I wear. Today, it's a pleather jacket, heart skirt, and cowboy boots. I won't say that I deserve this kind of attention, but I can't help but dress young at heart. And by young, I don't mean slutty. I just mean immaturely.

Tab-u-lously starting NaBloPoMo

I have a test tomorrow regarding that book above, and we're allowed to bring the book with us. Tab-u-lous! (In my head, I'm saying it like the Orbitz gum girl.)

In law school, there are very few opportunities to test your abilities and find out the result of your efforts, before the final exam. This test is one of 4 such opportunities. I am not a big fan of this model, but it also makes me take every single thing I do very seriously.

In Japan, admission to undergrad depends on one single test. I always thought that I was so lucky to have been raised here and gone through this country's school system to not have to deal with rigorous test preparation. Who would have thought that I would voluntarily put myself into a similar academic model.

OHWELLZZZ.

BTW, don't you love that color of blue? It's one of my favorite colors.