Saturday, March 28, 2009

My Own Little "Unemployment"

So some of you may know that I applied to a gang load of law schools.  

I hate to admit this, but I also find some therapy in being open about it:  I'm getting rejected left and right.  I sent out many, and so far I've heard back from most schools with only 2 waitlists.  I don't have many left, and they're all schools I feel very half-hearted about.  I sent so many applications, that for the last 2 months, I've been getting a steady flow of rejection letter after rejection letter.  

I've never been a straight-A student, or an over-achiever, and expected some rejections, but never to this level.  Of course, I'm crushed.  I'm filled with doubt. 

I was thinking about it on a more general level, and started thinking about those people who are currently unemployed and are going to job interview after job interview, and feeling this pain, but on an entirely different level.  I started thinking about how they must be filled with doubt and fear also, trying to figure out how they were going to support their livelihood.  More specifically, I started thinking about how their self-esteem must be getting shot continuously too, kind of like mine has been.  

During this entire process, I haven't feeling good about it, but what's been most upsetting is that these rejections have made me doubt my quality as a person and the quality of the experiences I've had, which I used to be very proud about.  

But, I've started thinking (yes, again).  (I've been thinking a lot.)  I've been on the hiring end, interviewing candidates for jobs, and most of the time, choosing someone over another is determined by one little thing.  "This person has more experience dealing with families, than older adults."  "This person has worked in non-profit before and might understand our organization."  "This person has more years of working experience."  Offering the job to one person over another is often determined by these small differences that have nothing to do with the QUALITY of the candidates, but just the fit that we were looking for at the time.  The rejection letters all say "We often have to turn away qualified individuals....etc etc" and it all sounds like yada yada yada to me after the 10th letter, but I'm trying to absorb the actual truth of that statement.  

Although getting rejected by schools is not the same as being unemployed, I started feeling a little better about the situation when I consider how my application may have been looked at, and the decisions that were ultimately made in a way we've been deciding job offers in the past.  I hope those that are unemployed and going through the round-about of interviews understand that it's often factors completely out of their control that are determining their job placement.  And I hope they find jobs soon.  

...Unless you're a complete jerkwad, because we've interviewed those too.  ( I once sat in on an interview with this douche-bag of a man, who said that women can afford to stay at low-paying jobs like teaching and social work, because they have husbands that can provide for them at home.  I was pretty close to punching him in the face.)   Although, I hope those jerkwads find jobs too, because I don't want my tax money paying for jerkwads' public benefits.

Anyhoo, I shall truck along.  My future is a bit unsure right now, but I'm tired of thinking about it, and have decided to just say "WHATEVER" for the time being. 


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