Sunday, June 01, 2008

Yeah, this post isn't going to be funny.

I'm sorry for the Debbie Downer posts lately, but I promise you, this isn't going to be whiny.  

Have you ever witnessed such a raw form of grief, that you find it... vivid? 

One of my favorite coworkers suffered a great loss last weekend and I attended the funeral yesterday morning.  I've only been to two other funerals besides this one, one of my grandfather's, and another of my friend's grandmother.  Although both of those funerals were from untimely deaths, this particular one that I attended yesterday felt even more so because my coworker had lost a parent.  I'm 25, and she's around the same age.  Although there were circumstances surrounding her loss, it was still too soon for her to lose someone like that. 

Anyway, I watched her grieve and, and it was so palpable and raw that I found it almost beautiful, and possibly the most natural thing I had seen recently.  People tend to avoid identifying other's grief because it is a personal thing, and I don't want to do anything to intrude that.  But I always found the purest response to those extreme situations to be the most revealing moments of human nature.  I find it vivid, in the sense that it is the clearest evidence that we are alive.  

When I was living in Spain, a good friend of mine had suddenly ended a long-term relationship with her boyfriend, who she had envisioned marrying.  It was a one-sided break-up (his) and I sat with her through the night while she cried and cried.  Her tears were uncontrollable, and aside from wanting to console her, I felt privileged to witness this form of sadness.  Such deep sadness, such rare emotion, when your whole body responds to what you feel.  I mean, I really couldn't help but find my friend so beautiful while she went through this pain, because what I was watching was nothing but the truth.   

I don't want to constantly watch people be sad.  God, what kind of sadist would that make me?  However, I do want to acknowledge the rarity and beauty of it when I see something like that.  It really reminds me what it is to be human. 

Now, here's where I confirm myself as a food addict.  At the end of the service, I was trying to think about what I could do for my coworker, and the first thing I thought was... I'll bake!  So disgustingly Martha Stewart of me, and I don't even like Martha Stewart. I was thinking about baking V-con's soy yogurt pound cake, because my coworker liked it the last time she tried some.  I'm thinking about adding some green tea matcha powder to promote peace.  What do you think about that?  I'll update you guys if I end up making it. 

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